When a listing agent takes offense at a low offer and refuses to engage, the seller often loses a buyer who would have come up — sometimes to full price. Thoughtful negotiation, not emotion, is what closes deals in a shifting market.
I want to tell you about two offers. They happened weeks apart, and the same clients were on both sides of the table — once as sellers receiving offers they didn't love, and once as buyers making an offer that got them lectured. Watching how differently those two situations were handled taught me more about negotiation than any seminar ever has.
These aren't clients from here in Brentwood. They're folks I sold a house for in Dublin twenty years ago, when they went and bought new construction over in Pleasanton. The kids are grown and gone now, and they're finally ready to get out from under a 5,000-square-foot house and downsize somewhere in the Tri-Valley. About 10 to 20 percent of my deals happen "over the hill" like this — almost always because a past client picked up the phone and said, "We're ready for what's next." Twenty years in this business, and the relationships are still the whole point.
When You're the Seller: How to Say No Without Burning the Bridge
We listed their home at $3.5 million. The first offers came in around $3.2 million — numbers we felt were well off the mark.
Here's what we did not do: we didn't scold anyone. We didn't act insulted. We didn't fire back a snippy email about how the offer was disrespectful.
I simply let each buyer's agent know that my sellers weren't ready to engage at that price. That's it. We thanked them for the interest, acknowledged we understood where they were coming from, and left the door open.
This is what I call countering without countering. You decline to engage on price without conceding anything and without poisoning the relationship. A few reasons this matters:
- Some buyers are feeling you out. A low opening offer is often a test, not a final position. Push back with grace and you frequently get a better number.
- You don't tip your hand. The moment you counter, you've signaled your sellers are negotiable. Sometimes the smarter move is to hold and let the market come to you.
- In a declining market, today's "lowball" can look reasonable in ninety days. If you've burned that buyer, you can't call them back when you wish you'd taken it.
After 30 days, we made a strategic reduction to $3.4 million. Interest continued at that level, and this time we did counter an offer that landed in range — because now it made sense to engage. Then, one weekend, two motivated buyers showed up at once. We ended up at full list price, no contingencies, with a free rent-back.
That outcome doesn't happen if we'd spent the first month insulting the people who eventually became our competition of buyers.
When You're the Buyer: The Offer That Got Us Lectured
A few weeks later, those same clients found a home they liked, listed at $2.19 million. We wrote our offer at $1.9 million.
Was that low? It was the bottom of a defensible range. The two closest comparable sales were $1.905 million and $2.135 million. We fully expected to negotiate toward the middle — that's how this works. You start with room to move.
The listing agent did not see it that way. She was offended. She made her case that the home was superior to the lower comp — and honestly, she wasn't wrong about that. But instead of countering, she dug in. Then she mentioned, off the record, that her seller might actually be willing to come down on price.
Read that again. Her sellers were willing to come down. My buyers were willing to come up. That is the exact definition of a deal waiting to be made. All it needed was someone on the other side willing to negotiate.
Instead, the message my clients received — loud and clear — was that the seller didn't want to deal with them. They had every right to come back higher. But they were discouraged enough that they simply moved on. A sale that should have happened didn't, because the emotion in the room outweighed the strategy.
The Lesson: Negotiation Is a Bridge, Not a Battle
Same clients. Same few weeks. Two completely different philosophies of negotiation on the other side of the table.
When my sellers received offers they didn't love, we held our position and protected every relationship. When my buyers made an offer someone didn't love, the response shut the whole thing down.
The difference wasn't the numbers. The numbers were negotiable in both cases. The difference was ego.
A skilled negotiator treats a low offer as the opening line of a conversation. An emotional one treats it as an insult to be avenged. One of those approaches gets deals done. The other one costs sellers real money and never shows up on a spreadsheet.
FAQ
Should I be offended by a lowball offer on my home? No. A low offer is usually a starting point, not a final position, and often a signal the buyer is serious enough to engage. The right move is to respond strategically — decline or counter without hostility — so you keep the buyer available if the market shifts.
What does it mean to "counter without countering"? It's declining to engage on price without making a concession or damaging the relationship. You let the buyer's agent know your sellers aren't ready to meet that number, while keeping the tone warm so the door stays open for a better offer later.
How do I know if my real estate agent is a good negotiator? Ask how they respond to a low offer, how they protect relationships with the other side, and how they decide when to hold versus counter. A thoughtful negotiator has a strategy for each. An emotional one reacts. In a shifting market, that difference determines whether your deal closes.
Let's Talk About What's Next
Before you list or write your next offer, have a real conversation with your agent about how they negotiate. Are they a thoughtful strategist, or do they take things personally? It's one of the most important questions you can ask, and it rarely comes up until it's too late.
I've spent over 20 years negotiating deals across the East Bay — from Brentwood and East Contra Costa County to the Tri-Valley, usually for clients I first worked with decades ago. If you're thinking about your next move and want someone who keeps a cool head when it counts, reach out. Call or text me at (925) 487-3172, or schedule a conversation at tomschieberteam.com.
What's Next?
